


Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

by redroses100



Series: Fall Out Boyfriends [3]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Anal Sex, Anxiety, Depression, Family Drama, Feels, Kyouko's one shot wrap up, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sappy Ending, The extremely late christmas fic no one asked for, hella feels, sex puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-02
Updated: 2018-02-02
Packaged: 2019-03-12 15:09:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13549923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redroses100/pseuds/redroses100
Summary: “Dinner?”“Yes, Christmas dinner with my family. My mother in particular wants you to come.”“Mother.”“Yes, Shizu-chan, mother. Contrary to popular belief, I was not actually born of a jackal. I have biological parents who fucked and spawned children, same as you.”“Shut up.”OR the super late Christmas fic/monster-in-laws fic no one asked for! And what's a good Christmas fic without a ridiculous amount of drama and feels?!





	Yule Shoot Your Eye Out

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy folks! It's been a while! I definitely haven't been procrastinating! Definitely not! haha....
> 
> Anyway, here's the one shot wrap up for Kyouko to kind of address some questions people had about her. And because i needed an event for it to revolve around, it's a Christmas fic. At the beginning of February. Yeah....
> 
> So yeah, hope you like it!

“Are you decent?” I glance up from my phone, staring at the door to my room in what has to be the most confusion I’ve felt in years.

“Morally? No.” The door cracks open to reveal Kyouko’s unimpressed face. I smile innocently at her. “But I am wearing pants, if that’s what you mean.” She rolls her wine colored eyes and steps into my room.

“I see that. I have to say, I’m impressed. From what your sisters have told me, you hardly ever wear pants when your…lover is in the house.” It’s clear she’s fishing for the right word to call him. I’m not quite sure of that myself though.

“Well Shizu-chan left a few hours ago so, plenty of time to shuffle my way into a pair.” Kyouko looks at me like I’m actually the biggest regret in her life. Who knows, I might be. “When did you get into town?” I ask to try to spin this back on her somehow. She doesn’t so much as blink.

“Five hours ago. I was going to surprise your sisters, but they’re smarter than I can reasonably take credit for. They were waiting for me at the airport.”

“Please god, tell me they’re not-”

“They’re at home. And will be for the rest of their break.” She pauses here, picking up one of my shirts from the pile at the end of my bed. It’s one I really need to get rid of, considering the giant rip in the collar. I think I keep it mostly because when I wear it, Shizuo gets this delightful blush on his face as he remembers how he was the one to ruin it.

Kyouko raises an eyebrow as I smirk at the shirt. She folds it and places it on top of the wrinkled pile, like a shiny cherry to hide the shitty sundae underneath.

“Will you be joining us for the upcoming festivities, or will you be…preoccupied?” She glances back at me, eyeing me for any visible, physical signs of my…preoccupations.

“I’ll stop by.” I sigh heavily, leaning against the wall to watch her stew in her awkwardness. I’ve never seen Kyouko trying to be discreet. It’s fascinating.

“Good.” She taps her fingers restlessly on her leg. “And will your Shizu-chan be joining us as well?”

“No.” I dismiss immediately. I can’t tell if she’s relieved or disappointed. “I’m sure Shizu-chan has far better things to do with his Christmas.”

“Are you just assuming, or did you ask him?” The tone in her voice assures me she’s already confident she knows the answer. Well if she’s so sure of herself, I don’t really feel the need to answer.

Kyouko sighs, approaching me more cautiously than I’m used to anymore. I haven’t been treated like a caged animal in a while now. It’s more irritating than I thought it would be to return to it.

“Izaya, I was hoping we could talk about something more serious than Christmas parties and plus ones.” I’m thoroughly shocked.

“That sounds like a conversation I’d need a lot of alcohol to recover from.” I drawl, drifting out of my room. Kyouko follows at a sedate pace.

“I’ll be blunt.” I scoff a dry laugh. Like she’s ever anything besides blunt. “I’m worried your little dalliance is still unhealthy.”

“Really?” The amusement in my tone is less forced this time as I wander into the kitchen to pour us some whiskey. “And who told you that? I was under the impression my secretary was beginning to grow used to Shizu-chan. And the girls love him far more than they’ve ever loved me. Don’t tell me Shinra-”

“No one had to tell me anything, Izaya. I know your patterns, is all. You went after this man because it was toxic and you have an obsession with things that are bad for you. I doubt that’s changed.”

“Well aren’t you just the expert. Tell me more about myself, I’m always eager to learn.” Frustration is beginning to color my tone. I take a sip of whiskey to help myself stay calm.

“Please don’t be offended. I’m only trying to make sure my son is safe.” Her sigh is purely exasperated as she finally reaches for the whiskey waiting for her.

“How noble. But I assure you, I’m perfectly fine. Never better.” I think my smirk is still a little too begrudging for her to believe me. Even though, for once, I am telling the truth. But she wouldn’t know that the truth always sounds sour coming from me. She’s never here to learn that much.

“In that case, please invite your Shizu-chan to Christmas Eve dinner. I insist. I’d like to meet the man who very nearly fucked my son to death and then apparently put him back together again better than ever.”

“I’ll be sure to relay your heartfelt sentiments. But I’m not going to force him to come. He has a family who’s actually a family after all. Chances are he’d rather be with them than suffer an evening with our little circus act.”

Kyouko purses her lips, like I’ve very nearly managed to crack her facade. But after another swallow of whiskey, she’s back to her impassive mask.

“Very well. I’ll have a conditional place set for him at the table.” She gives a smile that looks about as dead as her eyes. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some grocery shopping to do.”

“Dull.” I sigh.

“Unbearably. But your father won’t be in until tomorrow afternoon and by then the stores will be closed.”

“There’s always take out.” I suggest. She looks at me like I’ve suggested we eat dirt with a side of cat litter.

“I promised your sisters a home cooked meal.” She doesn’t sound happy about it either. Then again, asking my father for a favor is always difficult for Kyouko. And considering she can’t cook to save her life, that’s what it will come to.

“And that was your first mistake.” She pauses in wrapping her scarf around her neck to look at me with the most curiously surprised face.

“Oh no, darling. My first mistake was having children who expected a home cooked meal during the holidays.” She states, like she’s genuinely shocked I didn’t put that together myself. I can’t help but to roll my eyes.

“Little heathens. How dare they.” Kyouko side eyes me, buttoning up the rest of her coat. “Good luck.” I wave, earning myself a full out glare.

“Goodnight Iza-chan.” It’s my turn to glower, and her turn to perk up like she’s won the whole evening with that one shitty nickname. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And then she’s gone, sweeping out of my apartment before I can reply- like she’s worried I’ll take it back if she stays a second longer. At one point in time, I would have.

Christmas with my family. How horrible.

I knock back the rest of my whiskey and dramatically fall into my seat behind my desk. Might as well try to put it out of my head for now. Maybe, by some Christmas Miracle, it’ll all be a big dream.

Yeah right. Like I’ve ever been that lucky.

~~~

“Dinner?” Shizuo seems to be confused by the idea. Or maybe he’s just confused by the guest list.

“Yes, Christmas dinner with my family.” I repeat it, and not for the first time. He continues to stare blankly at me across the kitchen counter. “My mother in particular wants you to come.” His brow furrows even more.

“Mother.” He hums.

“Yes, Shizu-chan, mother. Contrary to popular belief, I was not actually born of a jackal. I have biological parents who fucked and spawned children, same as you.” He blushes for one glorious moment before glaring at me.

“Shut up.” He sighs. “Why does she want me there?”

“Beats me. Maybe she wants to scare you away.” I smirk to myself, adding more fried rice to his plate once I’m done enjoying his red face. He usually picks up some kind of take out for us on his way over here, a kindness I’m usually too impatient to reciprocate.

“She’d have to try pretty hard. After all, I’ve lasted through your numerous attempts.” There’s teasing in Shizuo’s tone, but that doesn’t make the barb any easier to bear. I keep my eyes glued to the plates of Chinese food I’m arranging. “Hey.” I grind my teeth for a moment but when I look up there’s a smirk firmly in place across my lips. “Do you want me to go?”

“What?” I kind of laugh as I ask. He doesn’t even blink.

“Do you want me to go to Christmas Eve dinner with your family?” He reiterates in a deliberately patronizing tone. I scowl.

“Like it matters. I wouldn’t force an evening with my family on my enemies, let alone on poor unassuming Shizu-chan.” Even this doesn’t get him riled up. He reaches out to grab my wrist and get my full attention on him.

“I wanna go. But only if you actually want me there.” He tells me in a voice that’s far too soothing. I sigh through my nose and nod, avoiding his eyes. And because he knows that I hardly ever manage to make eye contact when I’m being genuine, he knows how much I mean it. “Then I’ll go.”

“You don’t have to, Shizu-chan. It’s going to be tedious and awkward and my mother’s going to be insufferable. It’ll be more like an interrogation than a dinner.” I try to give him the opportunity to change his mind.

“Will it be just as painful if I’m not there?” His brows wrinkle in concern. I try to laugh nonchalantly.

“Of course it will.” What I don’t say is that it will actually be __worse__ without him. Then I’ll have to defend why I came alone. I’ll be the one under question. But he doesn’t need to know that.

“Then I’ll definitely go.” It’s my turn to look confused. “At least if I’m there you’ll have someone to play footsies with under the table.” He winks, and I smile before I can help myself. I quickly shape it into a smirk, but based on his own fond grin, I know he saw at least some of the real warmth in my face.

“How noble of you to sacrifice your Christmas Eve.” I acknowledge with a put upon sweetness to hide the actual gratitude in my tone.

“Yeah, well, Kasuka’s out of the country filming so my parents decided to go on a cruise this year. They invited me, but I didn’t think it was a good idea.”

“No kidding. Shizu-chan in a small, enclosed space in the middle of the ocean? I shudder to think of the damage you could do.” I shudder dramatically, hiding my eyes like I’m in a soap opera. By the time I’ve lowered my hand to smirk at Shizuo, he’s vanished from the other side of the counter. Seconds later a warm body presses into me from behind and his hands are resting on my hips.

“I can do a lot of damage here too, flea.” He rumbles into my neck. I tilt my head to the side to make an offering of myself.

“You don’t have to remind me, Shizu-chan. I know exactly what you’re capable of.” I promise, reaching back to bury my hand in his hair. “And you have my full permission to let loose in my family home. If you get us officially uninvited from any future holiday dinners, I’ll blow you right then and there.”

“It’s a tempting offer.” He hums thoughtfully, his hands starting to wander. One dips under my shirt as he slides it up, running over the skin of my side, creeping towards my chest. The other takes a more direct route to cupping my crotch through my jeans. I stifle a groan. “But you know how I like to watch you squirm. And I have the feeling you’ll be fucking writhing at dinner.”

There’s sinful intention in his words, but he doesn’t know how right he is. And not for sexy reasons either.

“Is sex all you ever think about?” I sigh dramatically, dropping my head back against his shoulder. He nips at the tense muscle at the junction of my neck and shoulders.

“Well, sometimes I think about food too.” He mutters, spurring an indulgent laugh from me. “But mostly sex. I can’t help it. One look at your ass in those jeans and all I can think about is the way you start gasping for air while I fuck you over the edge.” I tighten my fist in his hair, and he purrs.

“Shizu-chan talks too much.” I huff, my jeans beginning to get uncomfortably tight under his insistent touch. His thumb brushes over my nipple and I pull harder at his hair.

“I can find something else to do with my mouth, if you want.” He chooses that moment to pop open the button of my jeans, sliding down the zipper so slowly it feels like a fucking miracle when it’s finally open enough for some form of relief for my cramped erection.

“Our food is gonna get cold.” I point out, but not an inch of me wants him to actually stop.

“That’s what microwaves are for.” He chuckles dryly. “Do you know what conveniently located couches are for?” Shizuo is already pulling me backwards out of the kitchen as he says it.

“I’m pretty sure the general population would __not__ say they’re for quickies.” It’s my turn to deadpan. He kind of scoffs.

“And who said it was going to be quick, hmm?” A delightfully sinful shiver goes up my spine, which makes Shizuo falter in his next step and then jump into third gear. He all but drags me to the couch, turning me around so I’m facing him when he pulls me into his lap.

“Shizu-chan spoils me. Constantly letting me have dessert before dinner.” I smirk, putting my hands to work unbuttoning his vest and shirt. I can tell he just wants to rip everything off, my clothes too, but he lets me take my sweet time when I give him a sharp look.

“Yeah. Like you weren’t spoiled enough already.” He mutters, rubbing his thumb across my cheek affectionately- totally ruining the gruffness he was going for. Then again, my smirk is hard to maintain when I’m actively leaning into the touch.

Shizuo waits until I’ve finished with his shirt to lean in and kiss me. Even though I just saw him this morning, he kisses like he’s starving for it. He always does. I guess he still feels like he has a lot of time to make up for. And it’s not like I’m complaining.

While he bites at my lips and sucks at my tongue, his hands are still busy pushing at my jeans. They’re not being very cooperative, and based on the increasingly annoyed grunts in his throat, he doesn’t appreciate it.

“Let me.” I murmur against his lips, pulling away reluctantly to slide off his lap and push my jeans down. “You’re so impatient, Shizu-” He yanks me back onto his lap before I can finish, pulling me in so our chests are pressed together.

Shizuo mouths at my neck, his hands cupping and squeezing my ass. “Fuck, you fit so perfectly in my grip. Always do.” He rumbles. It’s something I always find myself marveling at as well- the way we’re like two puzzle pieces that always come together so well. But it’s easier to tease him than to admit that. A laugh bubbles up from my chest and he growls at my mirth.

“Shizu-chan thinks I’m his little doll, doesn’t he?” I curl my hand back into his hair, twisting the strands between my fingers and tugging periodically. “Did you put me on your Christmas list?”

“I’d have to be pretty sick to want another one of you. I can hardly keep up with the one I already __own__.” The possessive drawl makes me shiver against him. All at once the world tilts and I find myself laying beneath him. “What about you? What do you want for Christmas?” His rumble is somehow sarcastic and warm at once.

“You should’ve asked me that while I was still on your lap, Santa-chan.” I point out, lifting my foot to rub against the obvious strain in his slacks. “But, I suppose, it’s a little easier to come down the chimney this way, right?”

“Really? You’re perverting Santa Clause?” His sigh is pure exasperation. I grin, entirely pleased with myself. The smile slips when his hand wraps around my dick with the same pressure I’m putting on the front of his pants. “I’d say that lands you a solid place on the naughty list.”

“Really? Dirty Santa puns is where you draw the line? Not the mile long list of reasons you used to chase me through the whole city on a weekly basis?” I laugh, but we both hear how strained it is as he continues stroking slowly up and down my dick.

“We both know those were just excuses anyway.” He shrugs, reaching for his pants pocket with his other hand. “Though you have been quite the little shit all year long.” He acknowledges.

“It’s my special skill. I put it on all my resumes.” Shizuo rolls his eyes, popping open the little bottle of lube he retrieves. He pulls away from my dick long enough to rearrange me a little- hooking my left ankle over the back of the couch and bringing the other to the small of his back so I’m nice and spread open for him.

Chilly, slick fingers prod at my entrance as his hand returns to its regularly scheduled program of warming up my dick.

“How many do you want?” Shizuo asks against my lips, easing two fingers in at once. I can’t remember the last time we started with just one finger. Then again, we fuck like every day- or every other day if it’s a busy week.

“Three is fine. I’m not patient enough for your well prepared bullshit right now.” I huff. He grins, crushing his lips to mine to steal even more of my breath.

Shizuo fingers me open with a level of care that shouldn’t be manageable considering how fast he does it. But I’m not complaining. By the time he’s lining his dick up with my entrance, I’m all but begging for it. Sometimes he’ll wait until I actually break and plea with him for his dick. Tonight he’s just as impatient as I am.

When he slides in so he’s flush against me, we both sigh in relief. “Careful Santa-chan. We wouldn’t want Christmas to __come__ early.”

“You piece of shit. Have you been waiting to say that this whole time?” He growls, holding my hips as he starts to thrust.

“It may or may not have been floating through my mind for a while now.” I laugh wickedly at myself. The laugh sounds more brittle than my self esteem though, shaking in time with his movements.

“I hate you.” He mutters.

“See, you say that, but I kinda think you mean the other four letter word.” I tease, tracing my fingers over the lines of his face. He’s already starting to sweat a little from the deep thrusts he’s giving me. I like the way it makes my fingers glide so smoothly over his skin.

“Well you’re damn lucky I do love you, Izaya-kun. But that doesn’t mean I want my holiday spirit tainted by your disgusting little mind.” It’s hard to take his harsh tone seriously when he’s nuzzling into my palm, and moving so sweetly against me. His dick rubs deliciously over my prostate and I almost scratch his cheek.

“S-Shizu-” I gasp, grabbing his shoulder to dig my nails in there instead of his face. It takes me a moment to breathe through the shocks racing through me. And then I smirk. “Wait a minute, are you telling me the monster of Ikebukuro- the actual most dangerous man in all of Tokyo- loves Christmas?”

His cheeks are a cozy red by the time he figures out how to answer me. “What’s wrong with liking Christmas?” He demands. I chuckle fondly.

“Not a thing Shizu-chan. It’s cute. Innocent.” So I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised. For how much of a ruthless motherfucker he can be, Shizuo has always had the most beautiful glow of innocence to him. Like an angel who beats the shit out of people on a daily basis. Old Testament Badass Angel Shizuo.

“I might have guessed you’d be a Scrooge though.” He huffs.

“Bah humbug.” I agree, pointing my nose up in the air. He frowns a little, but it’s more concerned looking than anything. And concern has no place in sex, thank you very much. “Although, if this is any indication of how I’ll be spending my Christmases now, I might have to reevaluate my assessment.”

My pandering has the desired effect. He’s instantly filled with renewed vigor- starting to fuck into me a little faster now.

“But I swear, if you start singing any fucking Christmas songs right now I will end you.” He snorts a laugh, looking like he wants to do it now, only because I mentioned it. And I did make those really bad jokes, so it would serve me right. But Shizuo only kisses me softly and shifts us again so I’m back flush with his chest, my arms draped around his shoulders and the feeling of his solid thighs under me.

“I’ll refrain, if only because my murder might ruin the mood.” He acknowledges.

“Might.” I repeat, grinning back at him. Shizuo tips his head up to kiss me while fucking up into me, and it’s the closest thing to a religious experience I’m going to have this holiday season. Like this, with his lust and disgusting adoration coming at me in equal measure, it really doesn’t take me long to get to the point of clinging to him in breathless need.

“You close?” He rumbles in my ear. I nod feverishly, digging my nails into the back of his neck. “Me too.” He admits, holding me tighter to his chest. It’s the feeling of his teeth sinking into my neck that shoves me flailing off the edge and into orgasm.

I clench like a fist around him, holding him tighter with my arms, legs, and other places as well. The spasming of my entrance tips Shizuo over a few thrusts later. He moans into the bite mark he’s still creating.

I’m running my fingers idly through his hair when my monster finally pulls back to look me in the eye again. “To be honest, I expected another terrible pun by now.” He smiles softly, stroking my cheek with a reverence I’m still not used to.

“Well I was pretty busy dreaming of a white Christmas.” I smirk, running the tip of my finger through the cum splattered across his chest. His smile drops to a dead expression before I can blink. I’m cackling wildly even as he’s standing and lifting me over his shoulder to carry to the bedroom.

“Just for that I’m thinking you need a spanking.” He slaps his hand against my ass as he walks as if to prove it.

“Who knew Santa-chan would be on the naughty list too.” I drawl, laughing when he slaps my ass again.

“Keep it up and you won’t be leaving bed until we leave for your parents.” He warns. To be honest, I can’t think of a better way to spend my holiday. But no way in hell am I going to admit that to him.

“Well…I just hope Santa-chan is able to come more than once a year, if he wants to make it on time to the dinner at all.”

“I-za-ya-kun!”

~~~

“I’ve heard a lot about you Heiwajima-san, please come in.” Kyouko is smiling pleasantly enough, but I can see the way she’s studying the both of us. Her wine eyes don’t stop moving the entire time she leads us inside. I sigh to myself, kicking off my shoes and handing her the Sake Shizuo insisted we bring.

“Here. It’s from Shizu-chan.” I tell her, hanging up my coat on top of my father’s. Kyouko raises an eyebrow as she studies the Sake.

“You have good taste.” She smiles pointedly at the blond behind me.

“Well, it uh, it’s his, but I thought we should bring something.” Shizuo mumbles awkwardly. Kyouko nods, like she’s gained some great insight from just that alone.

“Alright, we’re gonna leave the entryway now.” I all but growl, shooing her out of the way so that Shizuo and I can walk past. We don’t get far.

“Iza-nii! Shizu-chan!” Mairu all but propels herself at us. I step to the side, watching as she slams into Shizuo with enough force that he actually steps back a little. Kururi wanders over slowly, latching onto me with deliberate strength.

“Thanks for coming.” She says benignly, pulling me further into the house like I wasn’t raised here and don’t know exactly where to go. Mairu excitedly drags Shizuo along, babbling the whole time about Kasuka and Christmas and whatever else pops into her easily distracted mind.

“I take it the boys are finally here.” My father appears in the doorway to the kitchen, still wrapped in an apron and flustered from cooking for probably hours. He wipes his hands on the apron and approaches Shizuo. “I’m Shirou Orihara.”

“Shizuo Heiwajima. Thank you for having me.” Shizuo bows his head respectfully until Shirou pats him heartily on his shoulder.

“Oh no need to stand on such ceremony, Shizuo-kun. This is all mostly for show anyway, wouldn’t you say Izaya?” Shirou winks at me. Kyouko has always been blunt, but my father puts her to shame. Probably because he has no shame. “Anyway, dinner’s almost ready. Make yourself at home.”

“Thank you.” Shizuo mumbles, likely in shock. I avoid making eye contact with him.

“Shizu-chan you should have brought Yuuhei-chan with you.” Mairu pouts, corralling Shizuo into sitting on the couch so she can climb up into his lap.

“Yuuhei-chan isn’t even in the country right now, Mairu.” I sigh on Shizuo’s behalf. Mairu pouts but moves on immediately to chatter about the gifts she got everyone this year. I roll my eyes, allowing myself to be led to the chair next to the couch by Kururi, who seems intent on copying her demon twin.

“Are you staying the night Iza-nii? We made sure your room was all made up.” Kururi asks shyly, throwing in the guilt trip at the end like I’m not the master of manipulation.

“And let you little heathens have the opportunity to slit my throat while I sleep?” I raise an eyebrow, but she doesn’t so much as bat an eye.

“Do you have to talk like that? It’s Christmas.” Kyouko sighs heavily as she breezes into the room, now absent a Sake bottle.

“Not until midnight.” I challenge. She glowers at me, sitting prim and perfectly in the other chair.

“How do you stand him Heiwajima-san?” Kyouko drawls. Shizuo whips his head between my sister and my mother, like he can’t decide who will give him more hell if he ignores them. Kyouko smirks at his lost look. “Girls, do you want to bother your father and see if it’ll get dinner on the table faster?” She suggests.

“Yeah! I’m starving!” Mairu declares, racing off and vanishing into the kitchen. Kururi sluggishly stands and follows her. Before he can think about getting comfortable, I pop up to take Mairu’s spot on Shizuo’s lap.

“Really?” He huffs.

“You chose this Shizu-chan.” I remind him with a petty grin, draping my arm over his shoulders and crossing my legs to really drive home the point. Shizuo looks like he wants to argue, or at least descend into the childish banter we normally indulge in. But he darts a quick look at my mother and merely allows himself to become my chair. “How boring.” I sigh.

“You haven’t taken off your scarf yet, Iza-chan.” Every inch of my body tenses, and I know Shizuo feels it. I also see the devilish spark in his eye as he mouths, ‘Iza-chan’ at me. I scowl.

“Lingering chill.” I bite at my mother. Kyouko raises an eyebrow, clearly not believing me. Not that I was even remotely attempting to fool her.

“You don’t have to hide your hickeys here Izaya. You’re at home, after all.” She drawls. I scoff so violently it almost sounds like a wheeze.

“Whatever point you think you’re making, it’s not very effective if you have to rely on lies to guilt trip me into buying it.” I point out, relaxing a little against Shizuo when I notice that he’s started to grow tense too. “Not to mention it’s terribly bad manners to try to make your guest uncomfortable.”

Kyouko’s eyes size up Shizuo. The way he’s very carefully not touching me, keeping his hands flat on the couch cushions beside him. The way his gaze is set on the deceptively cheerful fireplace across from where we’re seated. The way he’s keeping his lips carefully neutral, not revealing whether he’s happy or upset.

“My apologies.” She states, not sounding apologetic at all. “We must seem like quite the spectacle to you, Heiwajima-san. I understand your own family is…how did you put it, Izaya? A family that’s actually a family? Not a circus act?”

“How thrilling that you remember.” I sigh, tipping my head to rest against Shizuo’s. He turns so our faces are further away, instead of closer like he would any other time. I frown.

“What is your family doing for the holiday?” Kyouko all but demands. My frown deepens to a scowl.

“My parents are on a cruise while my brother is doing filming in Europe.” Shizuo explains, somehow managing to sound level despite all the tension in the room. I feel like I’m in some alternate universe where I’m the one who gets irrationally ticked off at the smallest of things and Shizuo can keep calm through anything. I don’t like it.

“How exciting.” Kyouko is genuine enough, but even her genuine tone sounds like a taunt right now. “Well I for one am glad you were willing to join us. I was beginning to think you didn’t really exist. The girls talk you up to be some kind of superhero.”

“I don’t know if I’d use the word hero.” Shizuo mumbles awkwardly.

“Neither would I.” Kyouko immediately agrees. Shizuo almost flinches, I can feel the desire to in how rigid he is beneath me. “Still, there’s something to be said for the way Izaya is clinging to you right now. At the very least, you seem to be his hero.” I’m instantly pulling away from him, standing with an exaggerated stretch and unwinding the scarf from my neck.

“Shizu-chan, do you want to see my room? I think it’s been turned into an office or something, but there’s still knife holes in the walls from when I was a kid.” We all know I’m not really asking. I pull on Shizuo’s hand and he comes willingly, probably just as desperate to escape my mother as I am.

She watches us go with a cold, accessing gaze until we vanish up the stairs. I let go of Shizuo’s hand to give him the opportunity to put space between us if he wants it. He closes the door of the room I lead him into, lingering near it as I go to the window and open it.

I popped the screen out ages ago. My parents never got around to replacing it. With how attentive they are, they may not even realize it’s gone. I lean out over the sill until only my legs are inside. The biting cold is a relief after the stifling feeling of being back in this house.

“You’re gonna fall out.” Shizuo rumbles, putting his hands on my waist to keep hold of me.

“Wouldn’t be for the first time.” I deadpan, glancing back at him. He’s leaning down so that he can peer out at me, but I can only see half of his face. I allow him to pull me inside, leaning back into his chest. “You don’t have to stay. I don’t think anyone would blame you if you ran far, far from here. You can even climb out the window, I’ll show you how.”

Shizuo sighs, the sound so deep and full that it feels like he’s trying to cleanse himself of the last ten minutes. “Is it always like that here?”

“Pretty much. I mean, it’s been years since all five of us have been in Japan at the same time, but even in smaller assembled units it’s similar.” I glance up at him with a dry smile. “Having second thoughts about why Mairu and Kururi turned out the way they did? I think there’s definitely a genetic element to it.”

“You’re a lot like your mom.” Shizuo states, completely shattering the brittle smile on my face. “And your dad reminds me of Shinra.”

“Why do you think it’s so easy for me to deal with the bespectacled wonder?” I huff, turning back to the window.

“When we were in high school, I never imagined you having parents. It always felt more like you just…happened. But having met them, a lot of things just started making sense.” I scoff again, though it’s less hostile and more resigned.

“You can’t really use me as an example of nature vs. nurture Shizu-chan. My parents weren’t around enough to qualify as nurturers.”

“Do you hate them?” He asks softly. I glare out the window.

“No. And before you ask, I didn’t as a kid either. They were doing what they had to do to provide for a family. That’s hardly something to hate them for.” Shizuo hums thoughtfully.

“It’s weird seeing you this way. I’ve seen you agitated and everything before, but never like this. You really don’t like being here, do you?”

I reach out to close the window, letting it thunk shut loudly. When I was a kid I always made sure to close it as softly as possible. Even though there was no one around to hear it either way.

“Being here just comes with a lot of baggage.” Too much baggage. The heavy kind that airlines charge a fuckton extra for. “Mostly I don’t like that you’re being forced to carry that baggage.”

“I don’t mind.” He promises. I know it’s a lie. “Though your mom is pretty terrifying.”

“Don’t say that. She can smell fear. She’ll attack relentlessly.” I grouse unhappily. Shizuo chuckles, kissing my cheek and smiling at my disgusted face.

“Come on.” He encourages, taking my hand, this time to pull me back towards the door. “The sooner we eat, the sooner we can leave.” He adds when I’m reluctant.

“You can leave at any time, you just want free food.” I point out. He only smirks, all but dragging me downstairs. We reach the bottom of the steps just as Shirou is coming out of the kitchen again.

“Ah! Perfect timing! I was about to send your sisters up to get you.” He tells me with a wicked smile.

“What if we had been fucking?” I propose. Shizuo actually gapes at me.

“Then your mother would have owed me money.” Shirou shrugs, patting Shizuo’s shoulder and shepherding us into the dining room. Kyouko is already sitting, while Mairu and Kururi are in heavy debate about where everyone else should sit.

“Shizu-chan! Sit here!” Mairu demands when she spots us, towing him over to sit across from her claimed chair. Kururi shuffles to me and I allow her to lead me to the seat next to Shizuo. Thankfully the girls had enough foresight to put me between Shizuo and Kyouko. Unfortunately that still leaves Shizuo next to Shirou, and that’s almost as bad. Almost.

“Did you enjoy your trip down memory lane?” Kyouko asks me begrudgingly. She sounds- and looks- like she’s pouting. Likely the girls gave her a stern talking to while I was upstairs with Shizuo. I send them a short glance and they both wink.

“You still need a screen for the window.” I inform her. And just as I expected, she looks completely oblivious to the fact that it was missing in the first place.

“So Shizuo-kun, tell us about yourself!” Shirou commands as he finishes bringing things to the table and finally sits. Shizuo looks like a deer in the headlights. “It’s the first time any of our spawn have had a significant other! I’m so excited!” Like a kid in a candy shop. It’s annoying.

Shizuo glances at me, like he’s looking for a sign about what to do. I shrug, reaching for the nearest plate of food to busy myself with. Fried chicken. How original.

“I uh, I went to high school with Izaya.” He starts, and I smirk to myself.

“Did you? Well, this is a long time coming then! Did you guys fuck in the janitors closet, or was the sex a newer development in your relationship?”

This is going to be a long evening.

“We were more in the habit of exchanging knives and fists back then.” I drawl, and Shirou makes an exaggerated ‘Oh!’ face.

“Rivals to lovers, then. Those are my favorite kind of fics.” He decides.

“What have you two done?” I turn a sharp gaze at the girls, who pretend to look innocent.

“Now now, it’s hardly the girls fault. I wanted to know what they were into, and fanfiction happens to be a big part of their life.” Shirou dismisses me with a little wave. “So what do you do?” His eyes turn right back to Shizuo, who’s again thrown off guard by how quickly the subjects change around here.

“I work with a debt collector, an old senpai of mine.”

“The muscle, I imagine.” Shirou winks, and Shizuo nods awkwardly. “What about-”

“His brother is an actor! Yuuhei-chan!” Mairu interrupts around a mouthful of rice. I scrunch my nose up, and Kyouko rolls her eyes at her child’s table manners.

“The Yuuhei-chan you’ve both been talking circles about all evening?” Shirou supposes, eyebrow raised. The girls nod in perfect synchronization. Disgusting. “An actor in the family! How glamorous! You know if you marry my son, my daughters will never stop pestering you about family reunions and so forth, just to meet him in person.”

I choke around a swallow of red wine, Kyouko patting my back in a mockery of concern as I cough. Shizuo looks confused, by both the statement and my reaction to it.

“Marriage between two men isn’t recognized in Japan.” Shizuo states.

“We’ll just pop over to a country that does recognize it then! We have plenty of flier miles, don’t we dear?” Shirou makes the most ridiculous puppy dog face at Kyouko, who only raises her eyebrow and sips her wine.

“Doesn’t matter because we’re not getting married.” I bite at Shirou.

“Well, certainly not tonight! But you never know what-”

“I know that we’re not talking about this, certainly not with you.” I snarl, and he finally seems to get the clue and winks at me before digging into his dinner.

With a sigh, I sink back into my chair to push rice and chicken around my plate with no desire to eat it. I very fervently do not look at Shizuo.

This works for a good ten minutes. There’s blessed silence at the table, just the sound of eating. Shizuo reaches for my hand under the table, and when I move it away he settles his palm on my knee instead.

Based on the look I catch Kyouko giving us, it did not go unnoticed. Fuck. I should have just let him take my hand.

“So Shizuo-kun.” She draws his attention, a cold smirk on her face. This isn’t going to be good. “Forgive my bluntness, but just how big is your dick? I ask out of scientific curiosity; you see I’d like to know how many of Izaya’s organs get shifted around when you fuck on a daily basis.”

I want to disappear. I mean I’ve wanted to disappear for a long time, but never as much as in this moment.

Mairu and Kururi, for their part, just keep eating. Kururi looks completely undisturbed, while Mairu has the lightest blush on her poker face. It pales in comparison to the red spreading across Shizuo’s.

Shirou on the other hand looks up from his dinner with the most devilish look in his eyes. “Oh yeah! I was wondering that myself!” He shouts, looking eagerly to Shizuo, who can’t meet anyone’s eye. He’s also quickly whipped his hand off my knee. Based on his blush, he might never touch me again after this.

It’s all too much. This was a horrible idea. I should have begged Shizuo not to come, not the other way around. What was I thinking?

“What the fuck is wrong with you people?” I shout, all but throwing my chopsticks down. Shirou looks confused, but Kyouko doesn’t even bat an eye. It’s her that I turn my glare towards.

“We have a right to ask him questions, Izaya, we are your parents.” She claims calmly. I feel myself getting light headed I’m so angry.

“You think- you honestly think you have any right?” I hiss.

“When my son has manic and __untreated__ depression and self hatred, I think it’s only in his best interest that I make sure he’s not-”

“I honestly can’t believe you. How can you be so fucking hypocritical? Or did you forget that you’re not exactly ‘receiving treatment’ either?” I accuse. Kyouko narrows her eyes, finally letting her mask slip a little.

“Don’t make this about me, Izaya.”

“Why not, that’s what you do every time. And isn’t that why you’re forcing this issue until it fucking breaks in all our faces? Sorry to tell you, but making me and the man I fucking love miserable isn’t going to fix your own shitty issues! So stop shoving it down my throat and pretending it’s for my own good!”

There’s silence at the table. No one even seems to breathe. I feel like Kyouko and I are completely alone. If I could bring myself to look away from her who knows if I would see anyone else still sitting with us, poking awkwardly at their food.

“I am your mother, Izaya.” Kyouko whispers, absolutely no feeling in her voice. The scoff this drives from me is equal parts exhausted and enraged.

“No, you’re nothing like a mother Kyouko, and you know it. You’ve never had interest in being in my life before now, so stop pretending you have a say in anything I do.” Shizuo puts a hand on my shoulder, sensing just like I am, that I’m blatantly stepping over the line.

I jerk away from him, standing with a screech of my wood chair against the floor. Mairu and Kururi look at me fearfully. Though whether they’re afraid I’ll stay or go is unclear. Shirou can’t even look up from the table though. And I don’t want to know what Shizuo looks like.

“I’m not hungry.” I mutter, pacing away from the table before anyone can say anything.

I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not that no one follows me.

~~~

Hours pass, and not quickly. I feel every second as it ticks by. Maybe that’s just because I’m counting them as I hang out the window of my old room, letting the cool soak past my skin and into my bones. As long as I count, I can ignore what happened. I just have to keep my mind busy, and my body numb.

I’ve had to start over from zero four times- after losing track of the thousands of seconds- before I kind of fall back inside.

With my ear pressed to the floor it’s easy to hear everything that might be happening downstairs. It’s how I used to eavesdrop on my sisters and nannies and on the occasions when I got the chance, my parents as well. There’s a low murmur of conversation, but nothing I can pick out as actual words.

A sigh builds heavy in my chest at the prospect of going back downstairs. It’s almost midnight, so who knows who is still up. Shirou will probably be out, between his jet lag and cooking all day he’ll be exhausted. The girls, if they are awake, probably escaped upstairs pretty soon after dinner.

They’re probably feeling pretty miserable. Some Christmas. I don’t know what they were expecting though. It wouldn’t be a true Orihara reunion without some kind of drama.

Unfortunately though, if they and my father are indeed in bed, that just leaves Shizuo and Kyouko. And that’s not a combination I want to leave alone for long.

I push myself up from the floor and pad softly to the door, opening it silently and slipping down the stairs. I stop about halfway down to crouch and listen.

“I’m sure they don’t resent you at all.” Kyouko sounds weary. That in and of itself is uncomfortable to hear. I fidget, but stay where I am. “It sounds like you have claustrophobia, which as you said, doesn’t bode well for a cruise.”

They’re…talking about his parents? Like normal people?

Shizuo sighs. “Yeah, it’s not just the cruise. It’s the whole…worrying that I would destroy everything if I got too angry, or nervous, or anything. If I get too…much…” He sighs again, at a loss for words. My stupid monster.

“You worry too much Shizuo-kun. Not everyone is so terrible a mother as I am. Your parents do not resent you.” Shizuo kind of grunts, leaving an awkward tension in the air. “You must think I’m despicable. Assuming so much about you and my son.”

“No, I don’t. I mean, it’s not really making assumptions anyway, since I did use to hurt him. A lot.” The guilt in his tone makes my fists clench. “But I gotta ask, did you really think that was gonna go well in there tonight?”

“Not at all.” Kyouko laughs. It’s a dry and humorless sound. “But god knows I can’t get him to acknowledge something unless it’s in front of an audience and for the sake of his pride.”

“He can be hard to get through to. I know that much. I think we all do. And even when you do get him to talk about things, sometimes the only time he’s telling the truth is when it sounds like he’s blatantly lying.” He pauses, clearly trying to be careful with his words. “But...I dunno, don’t you trust him at all?”

“It’s not a matter of trust. I don’t think anyone in this family trusts, except maybe the girls.” Kyouko sighs again, obviously deflecting. Unlucky for her, Shizuo has tons of experience with deflection from dealing with me.

“If it’s not about trusting him, what is it about?” Shizuo rumbles. Kyouko is silent for a long moment, only the popping of the fireplace filling the air

“He was right about me. I never got treatment for my…illness. And I can admit that to a certain extent, I have been projecting my own issues onto him. But only because we’re so similar. I know that boy more than I’ll ever know my daughters- they’ve always been so much like Shirou.”

“Yeah, I noticed.” Shizuo chuckles. “But you and Izaya…man you’re like clones.”

“Precisely. It’s like looking at myself every time I see him. And what I see is…someone who has defined themselves- built their whole being around this little piece of who they are. I never…I __couldn’t__ get help for my issues because they were the basis of who I was. Who I am. I don’t want Izaya to be like that.”

“He’s not.” Another long silence weighs heavily on the house. “He’s different than he was last year. Hell, he’s different than he was six months ago.” Kyouko kind of huffs, like she doesn’t believe him.

“People don’t just change, Shizuo-kun.” She drawls. I clench my fists so hard I feel my nails biting into my palms. “Just look at me. I refused treatment for so long that I allowed my own mind to poison my relationships with my family, and then with my children, and now with their lovers. It’ll never change.”

“Sorry, but you haven’t poisoned anything with me.” Shizuo states it so firmly that Kyouko is actually speechless from it. “You forget, I’m dating your son. I know when someone is being cruel to push people away versus when someone is being cruel just for the hell of it.”

Kyouko kind of chuckles, another dry noise to fill the space of a reply. Likely she’s feeling just as attacked as I am.

“You should forgive yourself a little. I don’t know much about the situation, but it sounds like you do really care about your family. You’re worried that Izaya is going to end up like you, right? That means that you care enough about him to want something better than what you settled for. You should start by caring more about your own health and setting a good example for him.”

It’s somewhat reassuring to know that Shizuo’s startling moments of insight happen with other people as well.

After the quiet goes on for so long that I almost think Kyouko isn’t going to respond, I hear a shuffling.

“Thank you, Shizuo-kun. I feel guilty for misjudging you. Clearly you do have a heroic side of you.”

“I guess that just depends on how you define a hero.” He sounds more awkward receiving praise than he does when I hurl abuse at him. Typical.

“Someone who stupidly decides to make others problems his own. Usually because he cares too much for his own good.” She explains bluntly. Shizuo kind of sputters a little. Kyouko chuckles, this time sounding much more almost-genuine. “But also someone who has the admiration and gratitude of those he foolishly tries to help.” She assures him.

My stomach feels hot and heavy with some kind of twisted mishmash of emotions that I do not like at all. I just want to get out of here, and the idea of escaping out the window is starting to sound far too tempting.

But from the sound of it, I may not have to resort to the window. There’s more shuffling, and a long sigh from Kyouko.

“I think I’d better retire for the night. I hope I’ll see the both of you for Christmas morning.” Like hell.

“Of course.” Shizuo agrees, followed by more shuffling. “Uh, may I use your back yard? I think I’ll smoke before I try talking with Izaya.”

“It’s all yours Shizuo-kun.”

“Uh, please just call me Shizuo. Never been one for honorifics and stuff.”

“Alright, Shizuo. Goodnight.”

“Night.” I scurry up to my old room to avoid being seen. Kyouko’s shadow pauses in front of the closed door, I watch it linger in the light under the door. But she moves on without knocking or anything like that. After a moment of waiting, I sneak back out and down the stairs.

It’s kind of a dick move to abandon Shizuo, but I don’t have it in me to talk to him right now. I just want to get out of here and go back to Shinjuku. I’ll apologize to Shizuo later.

For leaving him behind, and for dragging him into this mess in the first place.

~~~

I collapse into bed the moment I get back to my apartment. I don’t bother changing, or doing anything besides kicking off my shoes.

The walk from my family home to Shinjuku isn’t bad, but it is long. And cold. And it’s a relief to be wrapped up in my blankets, weary and freezing, but at least not in that house anymore.

As tired as I am, all I want is to fall asleep. But it still takes almost an hour before I do start to fade in and out of consciousness. There’s too much on my mind, and it takes a long time to fully ignore it enough to get to the point where I can start to doze.

So of course it’s only then that I start to fuzzily come back to consciousness when someone settles in behind me, wrapping me up in warmth and limbs. I kind of wriggle, but only enough to peer over the fur of my jacket to catch a glimpse of blond hair.

“Shizu-chan.” I whine, trying to slip out of his hold.

I don’t get far. “Deal with it. It’s only what you deserve for leaving me behind.” He huffs, squeezing me in tighter to him. I sigh, conceding silently to the point.

“Sorry.” I murmur, and he hums in recognition.

It’s quiet for a while after that. So long that I start to wonder if he’s fallen asleep, or if he thinks I’ve fallen asleep. But then he starts to shift around, and seconds later he’s detaching from me to start easing my jacket off of me. I pliantly allow it, even helping a bit by pulling my arms free of the sleeves when he tugs at them.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asks softly, as soft as his touch as he continues undressing me. I think about asking if I really have a choice in the matter. But right now, I think he really would respect it if I asked him to drop it.

I don’t want to do that to him though. Not after all he did for me tonight- being there even though it was a shit show disaster. Staying even after I blew up at Kyouko at dinner. Even going so far as trying to help her. Which is something I’ve never been able to bring myself to do.

Shizuo pulls my shirt over my head and I turn so I’m on my back, looking up at him while he relieves himself of his clothes as well. It’s dark in my room, but the tiny bit of light that spills in from the cracks in my blinds is enough to trace his features. I reach up to do the same with my fingers.

“Why are you so good?” I ask him, a touch of awe in my voice. His head quirks to the side, leaning into my touch on his cheek.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re so…kind. Patient. I don’t get it. How could anyone be like that? Especially a-” I stop abruptly, letting my hand drop away from his face. I was about to call him a monster. Which is something I’ve only done as a way to distance us. Is it really so hard for me to accept the need to open up, that I’d almost unconsciously try to distance us like that?

“Izaya?” He murmurs, pausing in shrugging off his shirt so he can put his hand on my cheek instead.

“I’m a monster. Everyone in my family is. How can you be okay with that?” I demand of him. Shizuo sighs, pulling away just long enough to toss his shirt to the side before he leans in over me.

“I don’t believe that. I don’t think you do either.” I turn my face away from him. “I’m guessing you were listening. When I was talking to Kyouko.”

It feels embarrassing to be called out like that. But I nod all the same. Shizuo hums thoughtfully.

“I know it’s hard for you, your depression and stuff. But it really seemed like it was getting better.” He presses, sounding sadder now. I clench my eyes shut to avoid accidentally meeting his eyes. I don’t know if I could survive that right now.

“It is.” I choke. He’s quiet, asking me silently to go on. “I’ve…been better with you in my life than I have been since I was born. Being around you, it helps me be better. You don’t take my shit, but you don’t make me feel like an invalid either. You’re kind and hard on me when I’m not kind to myself. I always feel like you’re genuinely invested in my feelings. It’s nothing I’ve had experience with before.”

Shizuo kisses my cheek, stealing my voice. He shifts to lay back down beside me, pulling me in so our chests are flush with each other and my head is tucked in under his chin. I wrap my arms around him immediately as his own hand starts to run soothing circles across my back.

“I’m glad I can be that person for you Izaya.” He tells me, so genuine that it aches in my chest.

“Why can’t she be glad?” I all but whisper into his skin. Shizuo pauses his caresses for a moment before starting again.

“Kyouko?” I nod. He hums thoughtfully. “She’s just being cautious. I’m sure it’s hard for her to believe that something like getting a boyfriend could really change you for the better.” He defends her easily. It’s somewhat irritating. All I want is to be angry with her, and here he is telling me not to be.

“She doesn’t know you. She doesn’t know what you’ve done for me.” I insist.

“That’s because you don’t talk to her.” He immediately shuts me down, and I dig my nails into my palms behind him. “You told me once that you were scared I would leave you and you would shut down because of it. If you could be so insecure about our relationship, why can’t she? She’s your mother Izaya. She just wants you to end up better than she has.”

“I’m already in a better place than she’s ever been.” I’m here with him, after all. Shizuo kisses the top of my head.

“I know. And I think she knows that now too. Or she would, if you talked to her. If you were truthful with her.” He encourages. I huff, irritated by the very suggestion. He chuckles in his throat. “In your own time, of course.”

He continues tracing invisible patterns on my back. The air around us is warm and calm, despite the knotted feeling still deep in my stomach. It would be easy to fall asleep here. But I still can’t quite slip into unconsciousness.

“I don’t…want her to think I’m too dependent on you. It won’t solve anything, it’ll just make her think I’m obsessed and would crash if you left.” It’s uncomfortable to admit, mostly because it’s true. I try not to think about it.

“It’s okay to depend on someone, Izaya.” I purse my lips at his words. “I know you’ve never been able to depend on someone before. It’s a foreign and scary concept to you still. But it is okay. You can depend on me, I’ll always be here for you. I’ve promised you that I don’t know how many times. I’ll promise you again, because it’s still true. Always will be.”

The truly scary thing here is how perceptive he is. I nuzzle in closer to him, nearly burying my face between his neck and the pillow. He laughs again, reaching up to pet my hair.

“I love you Izaya. On bad days and good. Even if I have to suffer through a hundred awkward family dinners to prove it. I love you.” Shizuo whispers, kissing my head softly.

I mumble back a muffled, “I love you.” that I’m surprised he even hears. But he squeezes me a little tighter for a moment and I know he knows.

He keeps petting me for what feels like hours, but could well be minutes. All I know is that at some point I finally fall asleep. But when I wake up in the morning, I’m still tucked into his arms, burrowed in his warmth and affection.

I’d like to wake up this way forever. Based on the fond little smile he gives me when he notices I’m awake, Shizuo might want that too.

If he did, that would be the most perfect Christmas present he could ever give me. That, and the sweet kiss he presses into my lips.

~~~

“I’m surprised you guys made it back over so early!” Shirou winks exaggeratedly at us as we settle down on the couch- on either side of the twins, who refuse to separate to let us sit together. Mairu crawls under my arm when I’ve settled, leaning against my side with a content little smile. Kururi is doing the same with Shizuo, who smiles affectionately at the action.

“It’s almost noon.” I point out.

“Pretty sure no one here woke up more than fifteen minutes ago.” Shirou drawls, gesturing to the sleepy faces of my sisters. “So perfect timing really.”

“There’s not enough coffee in the world to justify this.” Kyouko is grumbling as she appears from the kitchen. She glances at us, looks surprised, and then looks more somber.

I wonder idly how she didn’t hear our knock, or Shirou’s giddy chatter when he let us in. But based on the black bags beneath her eyes, she slept just as little as I did last night. She was probably a zombie stumbling around in the kitchen by the coffeepot until this moment.

“I wasn’t sure you’d be here.” She admits cautiously, sitting in one of the chairs while Shirou chatters on in the background about the scarce amount of presents under the tree.

“Neither was I.” I admit as well, and she nods knowingly.

I keep glancing at her throughout the afternoon. She never looks less troubled, even once she excuses herself to shower and get dressed after opening the gifts Shirou and the girls got her.

At one point she excuses herself again to check her phone for any emergencies at work. That’s when I decide to follow her.

It’s nothing she wasn’t expecting, based on the way she’s left her bedroom door open. Kyouko is sitting at the end of her and Shirou’s messy bed, and she pats the mattress beside her in invitation.

“You and Shirou didn’t fuck on here last night, did you?” I demand, eyeing the tousled sheets.

“Of course we did.” She waves the question away flippantly and I grimace, very carefully picking where to sit. “Like you and Shizuo didn’t.”

“Well, not here on this bed, no.” She rolls her eyes, almost looking like herself as she does it. It fades back into irritated discomfort again quickly. She doesn’t like being on the defensive. That’s something I definitely got from her.

We sit there in awkward quiet for a long time before I decide to cut to the chase. “I know you’re worried about me, and that’s why you were acting like you did yesterday. I’m not sorry for snapping at you, you kinda had it coming. But I’m sorry you felt the need to worry about me in the first place.”

She seems surprised that I’m talking about this at all- let alone without her having to badger me into a discussion. She blinks a few times and then smooths her face into something more passive. “I’m sorry too. About the way I acted.”

“You were very rude to Shizuo.” I tell her, and she nods.

“Yes, I was. I’ll apologize to him later as well.”

“Good.” I agree. Another quiet moment descends before I sigh. “You didn’t believe me when I told you I was doing better than ever, but it’s the truth Kyouko. I really am doing better. And it’s because of Shizuo.”

She studies me intently, looking for signs that I’m lying to her. I guess she doesn’t find any, because she looks away with a small pout.

“I know. He’s a good man.”

“He is. Way too good for me, but whatever.” She frowns a little, obviously unhappy with the self depreciating comment. “And I’m always going to think that, because even if I was on medication or whatever, I would always value Shizuo more than myself. But that has to do with how much I love him, not how much I hate myself.”

This seems to stump her. But only for a moment. “I guess I understand.” She doesn’t sound sure of that. I snort a laugh.

“You don’t need to believe if you don’t want to. But at least recognize that I am getting better. And I’m doing it on my terms, with the man that I love helping me. So please stop accusing me and him of being unhealthy. And please stop worrying about it.”

Kyouko looks at me like I’m an idiot. But beneath that is a fondness that I’m ashamed to admit warms me and loosens the twisted knot that’s stuck around in my stomach all night and morning. She cautiously reaches out to put her hand on my cheek, and I turn my face into it.

“Izaya, I know I’m not perfect, but I’m your mother. And a mother, even a bad one like me, always worries about her children. I’ll be worrying about you until the day I die.” She tells me. I reach up to cup her hand with my own.

“I guess I can accept that.” I sigh wistfully. She grins.

Movement at the doorway of the room draws both our eyes, landing on Shizuo leaning casually on the door frame. He’s holding a plate of cookies- likely something sent up by one of my fretting sisters. He makes no move to offer them to us, simply stands there with a small little smile on his face as he looks at us.

Kyouko returns it, tipping her head thankfully towards him. His smile grows at one corner, bowing his head as well. My mother turns back to me, stroking her thumb across my cheekbone.

“Merry Christmas Izaya.” She tells me.

I glance at Shizuo out of the corner of my eyes. I could have never imagined sharing a Christmas morning with him and my family and it feeling so warm. I guess those Santa puns came through, since it wouldn’t have ended up this way if it weren’t for him. I’ll have to tease him about that later.

For now all I do is allow myself to share their soft little smiles and squeeze the hand still comfortably resting on my cheek.

“Merry Christmas.”


End file.
